Just a bit of fun here after all of my hand-wringing yesterday. 😉 Plus, Valentine’s Day is coming up next month!
If you want to win their heart, find out where their Venus resides. (Okay, so this is a bit tongue-in-cheek, but also contains some kernels of truth too!)
Venus in Aries: LITTLE RED CORVETTE. “Baby, you’re much too fast.” But they like it like that. Tell them you want to burn down the night with them. They spend a lot of time at the gym, and they want a lot of sex. They don’t speak in riddles, and neither should you. This is the “go hard or go home” Venus of the zodiac. They may propose on the third date, but you should play hard to get–they love the chase. Celebs: Aziz Ansari, Rihanna, Robert Downey Jr., Sarah Michelle Gellar, George Clooney, Marilyn Monroe.
Venus in Taurus: EARTHY. This one wants the slow tease. Think patchouli and amber; soft, flowy linen shirts and skirts/pants, lush locks, minimal makeup. They think your body is a wonderland, and they will play it like a violin. Don’t overthink or overdo things–they hate complications. Order in some organic food and enjoy some Netflix and chill. Plant some roses and take time to smell them. Celebs: Liv Tyler, Kanye West, Amber Heard, Johnny Depp, Ariana Grande, Prince.
Venus in Gemini: DOUBLE TROUBLE. Tell them you have a sibling or a friend who also thinks they’re cute, because they’re curious to know if they can handle pleasing two partners at a time. Try lots of different things in your relationship–they’ve got a short attention span, so you’ll have to keep surprising them if you want to hold their interest. Careful, though–don’t spook them by going too dark. Just have fun and enjoy it while it lasts. Celebs: Jennifer Lopez, Rob Pattinson, Courtney Love, David Beckham, Jennifer Garner, Channing Tatum.
Venus in Cancer: OH, MAMA. The way to their heart is through their stomach, so you’d better be a good cook. Extra points if you have a nice rack, because they’re a “breast person.” When you’re ready to commit, tell them that you want to make babies with them and create a happy home together, just you, them, and your five kids with one on the way. You will never have to leave the house unless you want to. Celebs: Natalie Portman, Khloe Kardashian, Chris Evans, Russell Brand, Iman, Wentworth Miller.
Venus in Leo: ROYALTY. They’re the prom queen/king looking for a partner with whom they can rule the world. They love “holding court” with their friends and love it when people compliment them for choosing such a fine and rarified person as you are. You might not have a lot of money, but with your dynamism and style together, you fit right in with the movers and shakers of the world. This Venus knows they deserve the best, and you’d better deliver. They won’t hesitate to demote you to scullery maid if you lack confidence or have a wandering eye. Celebs: Selena Gomez, Tom Cruise, Jennifer Lawrence, Benedict Cumberbatch, Dita von Teese, Tom Hardy.
Venus in Virgo: FASTIDIOUS. NEVER leave the bedroom, much less the house, in fuzzy pajama bottoms and bedroom slippers. They like their partners to be perfectly turned out with every hair in place. They nitpick when you fall short, but they also feel loved and appreciated when you make the effort. Be on your best behavior in public with them–if you embarrass them in front of others, they will erase you completely from their memory. Celebs: Kim Kardashian, John Mayer, Mila Kunis, Bruno Mars, Blake Lively, Li’l Wayne.
Venus in Libra: HARMONY. Quietly put your drama to bed, sweetie. They want a partner who’s amiable, flexible, reasonable and who’s willing to go the extra mile to get along. They love sweets, so put some strawberries and whipped cream on yourself and let them have you for dessert. They don’t expect perfection like the Virgo Venuses do, but they do like their partners to look attractive and smell good. If their mom, sisters, and aunts don’t like you, then you might as well fuhgeddaboutit. Celebs: Beyonce, Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone, Will Smith, Viggo Mortenson, Ciara.
Venus in Scorpio: INTENSE. Scorpio is a detective, and they want a partner who will leave no emotional stone unturned. They secretly check your phone to make sure you’re not sexting someone else behind their back. If you decide they’re not your type, this one needs closure, and that comes when they deeply understand the truth about why you broke up with them. Be painfully honest with them about their shortcomings and yours, unless you think it’s fun to deal with a stalker. Make sure 911 is on your speed dial, just in case. Celebs: Katy Perry, Jay-Z, Serena Williams, Tiger Woods, Ian Somerhalder, Kris Jenner.
Venus in Sagittarius: FREEWHEELING. Make sure your passport is current. You could be climbing mountains in Peru, cross-country skiing in Lapland, or drinking martinis and smoking clove cigarettes in a Bangkok cafe. When they get back home, they’re always outside playing Frisbee with the kids and the dog or in the kitchen learning how to cook strange and exotic dishes. They take you to the top of the Eiffel Tower and kiss you madly, deeply, passionately. The world is their giant oyster, and you’re the pearl in it. Celebs: Ryan Reynolds, Ivanka Trump, Bella Thorne, Lamar Odom, Ronda Rousey, Seth McFarlane.
Venus in Capricorn: RESERVATIONS. Whoever plans the dates must plan them to a T. Make sure your lingerie/underwear drawer is well-organized. They’re about as emotional as The Terminator, but maybe that’s okay with you. You eventually wonder: Are they testing you? Are you a trophy partner? If they propose marriage, be sure to get a prenup that’s carved in stone. Keep it classy, always. They won’t change for you, so cut your losses early if you’re not happy. Celebs: Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears, Bradley Cooper, Miley Cyrus, Christian Bale, Ke$ha.
Venus in Aquarius: DETACHED. In the future, everyone is polyamorous. But for them, the future is now. They want to have fun with you, but they prefer not to get too close. They have a bad habit of reading your texts but not responding. Enjoy their company when they’re around, and don’t be clingy. Remember, there’s no harm in you having other partners; just be honest about that. They understand, because that’s their “normal.” Celebs: Krysten Ritter, Rob Kardashian, Olivia Wilde, Adam Levine, Taylor Swift, Tom Hiddleston.
Venus in Pisces: GODDESS. You could be as flawed as one of those broken Japanese cups, but they will see your patch work as veins of gold that only make the broken cup look more beautiful. They love everyone, truth be told, but they picked you. They’re super-forgiving, but if you’re that crazy bitch who’s always angry and never satisfied, your relationship will dissolve. Make sure you have some time for yourself alone every day–they never want to leave your side, which is great, but sometimes you feel just a bit crowded. Celebs: Emma Watson, Dave Grohl, Kourtney Kardashian, Norman Reedus, Kerry Washington, Spike Lee.