With my own Pluto closely conjunct the IC angle and two planets plus a luminary in Scorpio, I’ve been learning some fairly intense lessons in this life about power and transformation.
In a previous post, I talked about some length about how I lost A Career and gained A Vocation. But in the process, I’ve had to rethink how I present myself to the world. And astrology has helped me to see how I can best do that.
The Moon’s nodes in astrology have especially provided an important key to helping me figure out my presentation as an astrologer.
To begin with, my South Node is in Aquarius, conjunct Saturn in the 8th house.
Aquarius is the sign of the collective, of humanitarianism and brother/sisterhood. And a South Node Aquarius was, in its past, strongly focused on the group rather than on the individual. They tended to subordinate their individual needs to the needs of the collective.
My first site was called Wandering Star Astrology. I’d subtitled it “Astrology Buffet for the Terminally Curious.” And that perfectly describes my information-junkie personality as expressed by my Gemini rising sign. And it seemed like a cute name, but something about it just wasn’t sitting quite right for me.
In this life, it’s time for the Leo North Node to step into the spotlight. It’s time to live from the heart rather than from the head. It’s time to engage rather than to detach. It’s time to pursue and enhance your own creativity rather than “sacrificing” it to a cause.
Now, honestly, there’s nothing basically wrong with living from the head, detaching, or sacrificing something dear to you for a noble cause. But is it the right thing for me, and for this life?
I finally figured out that where my Wandering Star blog was concerned, I was “South-Node-hiding” behind a cute title. My North Node Leo wants to be out front. So I made a change that reflects this: I now blog in my own name.
With an Aquarius South Node, it honestly does feel uncomfortable for me to be calling attention to myself as Tris Spencer, Astrologer. I guess it could look like an ego trip to some people. But one of the features of my own South Node in Aquarius has been about realizing that I came into this world with little to no sense of Self. And if I wanted to get beyond surviving to thriving, I had to develop one.
South Node “Then”
The primary landscape back then in which my South Node in Aquarius was super-evident was as a church member. My Aquarius South Node loves to help the collective, after all. And a church is a very good example of a collective.
My religious life has been complicated from the start. I suppose that with my Jupiter/Chiron/MC conjunction in the 9th house and Pisces respectively, it’s no surprise that it would be so.
As a baby, I was baptized into the Catholic church. At age 12, I was confirmed in the Catholic church. My dad was Catholic, so we kids were raised Catholic. But my dad died when I was 13, and my mother decided to return to the Baptist church of her youth.
I didn’t want to be baptized again. I didn’t want to change churches. But I’ll never forget the dirty look my mother gave me when I refused to walk down the aisle at the altar call. (I forgave her later, but I’ll never forget it.) Basically, she bullied me into converting to Protestantism.
And I was angry about it. Very angry.
For high school, I no longer went to Catholic school. Instead, I was sent to a fundamentalist Christian high school, and then completed two years at evangelical Christian colleges.
It wasn’t a happy time for me. I hated the draconian rules, and I hated the hypocrisy I saw at church and at school. I dropped out of college after my sophomore year and moved out on my own.
For five or six years after that, I avoided church “religiously.” But at the time of my first Saturn return I was groomed for, and was baptized yet again, into a group which I came to believe is a “Bible-based cult.” It took me five years to figure out what the problem was and to walk away from it.
From that painful interlude I learned an important lesson. People will take all kinds of advantage of you, all the while earnestly telling you that what you’re doing for them and “the church” is really for God.
And, in your own mind, you can’t stop doing things for the church, even though you see people abusing your generosity and generally acting like jerks, because it’s inconceivable that you should stop doing things for God.
So that was a complicated trap for me to try to find my way out of.
It was very tough for me to admit that it was okay to put myself first. I figured out that I needed to draw boundaries around how much I would let the collective take of my time and my attention and my energy.
But I had to quit church–all churches–“cold turkey.” I turned toward earth-based, self-directed spirituality. And I have never regretted that decision.
South Node “Now”
Some astrologers blog horoscopes–daily, weekly, monthly, yearly horoscopes for the masses. And some astrologers do this very well indeed. I have favorite horoscope writers that I follow regularly, and I bet you do too. 🙂
But blogging horoscopes for the masses is a bit impersonal. They are directed to the collective rather than to individuals. That’s clearly South Node Aquarius, in my case, and the “old way” of doing things.
So in order to be a bit truer to my North Node Leo, I blog a lot about how astrology has helped me personally. I also focus on collaborating (Aquarius) with individuals (Leo) to help them identify and live their own most authentic astro-stories. That seems to create a healthy balance for my South Node Aquarius/North Node Leo.
My Leo North Node is in the 2nd house. The 2nd house can be about your self-esteem and your values as well as your actual money and possessions. A really apt combination of Leo/2nd house energy reminds me of those L’Oreal commercials and ads from back in the day.
You know. The ones that said, Because You’re Worth It.
Is your North Node in Leo? How are you using your South Node Aquarius gifts to help you shine in life? Share in the comments!